Sometimes when I get bored with the same conversations, I’ll ask my friends questions like “How difficult is it to find someone you like?” or “Do people have a shelf life for romance?”
Very. Especially so at your age, I can hear my friends thinking.
But invariably they will say something nice like “You never know, someone may come into your life when you least expected”.
Well that’s selling hope but I don’t mind. It’s interesting to hear what people have to say about such things.
Actually my friends are divided in this subject of finding a life partner. One group thinks getting attached at this stage in life is asking for trouble. Why trade freedom for a roller coaster ride? Why get in when so many people want to get out?
Another group thinks this is the best time to be involved in a mature meaningful relationship. You don’t have to worry about raising kids and paying mortgages. Just realize delayed goals with another person and enjoy each day together.
Everyone has reasons for their opinions and I know they only meant well. So far, the most interesting discussion happened last week at a lunch with three of my friends.
For whatever obscure reason, I explained to them that as one gets older, finding a partner is like looking for nobody.
You see, nobody’s perfect and that’s the problem when you think you’re so well read, well-travelled, been there done that, you know, those egotistic ideas in the head. One tends to look for all the desirable attributes in a single person and of course, nobody fits the perfect model.
“Hey, wait a minute!” one friend said. “I’m not done yet. Whatever you know of me now is not the final version. I’m still evolving to be a better person. The perfect me is yet to come.”
Now that’s worth a thought. I certainly like myself more today than 5 years ago. We do get better with age and eventually become a perfect person to another. So this concept of personal evolution does hold some ground.
“Ah but people change”
“Yes so people can change for better or worst. Evolution by nature is always about change for the better.”
At this point, I hope my learned friends won’t dwell into Darwin and how we came from apes to drinking latte in this café with Christmas songs playing in the background. Thank goodness the conversation quickly moved to holidays and trivial matters like shopping. So much for evolution. Our attention span was as long as the next jingle.
Later when I was alone, I pondered that snippet of the lunch conversation.
It is evident that in any good relationship, those involved will become better people. Better is of course relative but people in a successful relationship learn to cope, adjust and adapt to evolve into the best versions of themselves under the circumstances they are in.
And I suppose there’s no point looking for nobody and I can also forget about end-of-shelf-life because we’ll all not done yet.
There’s a better me and you out there in the future because I’m convinced evolution does happen. Now that’s real hope.